i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
