you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
