dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
