can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
