I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
