The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
