sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
