So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
