Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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