Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
