Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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