there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
