i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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