Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
