I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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