i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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