I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
pray to the hookup gods
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
