Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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