I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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