Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
