They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
