I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
