Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
