She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
