Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The ass gains better be worth it
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