He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
