best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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