The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
