i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is wine microwaveable?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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