Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
