really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
