If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
