What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
