the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
