I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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