i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
