I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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