if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
