So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
