I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
