I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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