oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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