I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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