it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
