I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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