Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
