waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
