Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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