Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
