My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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