You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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