Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
