he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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