this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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